frazzled

I hate it when I feel like I’m not doing enough “important” work, like I’m not accomplishing things that “matter.”  The only one putting this pressure on me is me, but I imagine that if I’m not living up to some (non-existent) expectations that I’m letting people down.  We can only be here in Mali, through the generous financial support of certain folks back in the states.  Never once has one of our supporters put any demands, expectations, or pressure on me as far as what I am accomplishing.  No one has ever asked how jam packed I’ve managed to fill my schedule with work, or asked to see a list of results.  So it really is all in my own head, I’m the only one putting pressure on myself.
I’m starting to learn though, to really get it, (through much frustration and many frazzled moments) that it is better to do only 2 or 3 things with excellence than to try to do 10 things.  When I try to do 10 things, it might seem impressive (even to me) but behind the scenes something’s gotta give.  Everything will not be excellent because there is only so much time and energy to go around.  For me this looks like not getting enough sleep, not eating regular well-balanced meals, and not getting as much exercise as I’d like.  What is my use of time/energy/resources showing that my priorities actually are?  What do I want my priorities to be?
“If you aim for nothing, you’ll hit it every time.”  I (re)heard this quote recently and it’s been running through my head. 
I think it is essential to have consciously thought through priorities and goals. 
And this isn’t to add more pressure, but to organize life; to make room for what is really important to me, and so that there will be times of rest.  God didn’t mean for us to keep going non-stop; He gave us the Sabbath.  When we choose not to rest, sometimes the choice is taken from us when we get sick and can’t keep going for a while.  I’d rather enjoy moments of chosen rest than to be forced to rest due to illness!

So I’m reevaluating things.  What can I/should I cut out of my life/schedule?  It is really easy to say “yes” and commit to more things.  I have committed to some perfectly good activities, but what is the best use of my time and energy?  If the best for me on a Friday night at 7 is having a date with my husband, I shouldn’t need to feel guilty that I’m not in this or that meeting or activity.  Maybe the 2 or 3 things I keep on my schedule will in the end be as effective, give as many real results, as trying to do the 10 things.  And if not, at least I'll (hopefully) stay sane and healthy in the process.
What matters is that I do what God has for me today, I don't need to worry about whether or not it seems like "important" work. 
"To enjoy your work and accept your lot in life - this is indeed a gift from God."  Ecc. 5:19

This week I've had scheduled activities 6 out of 7 mornings, and 6 out of 7 evenings.  On my "free" morning and evening (not the same day) I did food shopping at market, bread baking, cooking, laundry arranging, and work to prepare for all those activities.  Next week looks like it will be about the same.  We will be going to Chad to visit JP's family soon, and I am planning that when we get back life will be more relaxed.  I won't have as many different things on my calendar, and I'll be able to focus on those couple things that I've made priority.  I'm looking forward to that and trying to keep going through the next couple weeks of craziness!